Beyond the Script: Deconstructing Mono-normativity to Reclaim Embodied, Erotic, and Equal Relating - with Lohani Noor
A one-day in-person CPD training invites psychotherapists to step outside the invisible water of mono-normativity: the assumption that one exclusive, lifelong dyad is the only healthy, natural, or moral template for love, sex, and belonging.
What if the relationship models we have inherited were never designed to deliver what we now ask of them? What if the "failure" clients feel, low desire, dead bedrooms, secret longings, the sense that something is missing, is not a personal pathology but a script mismatch?
This one-day training invites psychotherapists to step outside the invisible water of mono-normativity: the assumption that one exclusive, lifelong dyad is the only healthy, natural, or moral template for love, sex, and belonging. Drawing on Transactional Analysis, psychosexual therapy, and contemporary relationship diversity research, we will trace how this template was constructed (not handed down by nature), how it lives somatically in posture, breath, and gaze, and how it shapes the clinical contracts we unconsciously uphold.
This is not a workshop about "converting" anyone to non-monogamy. It is about expanding the frame. Participants will learn to help clients distinguish between what they have been taught to want and what they actually want, moving from default to design, from unconscious obedience to conscious, authentic choice.
Through interactive lecture, small-group exercises, embodied practice, case consultation, and possibly reflective writing, we will explore:
The historical and cultural construction of mono-normativity and why the "successful" relationship is so often marked by failure, boredom, and crisis
How power, accommodation, and fear live in the body, and how to track them in the therapy room
The mechanisms of erotic deadness in long-term relationships: fusion, loss of separateness, gendered scripts, and the exile of the Free Child
Sexual agency as the capacity to desire from within, say a full "yes," and say a full "no"
The "equality trap": why equal does not mean same, and how to work with dynamic, fluid negotiation rather than rigid 50/50 myths
How to hold equal regard for monogamous and non-monogamous desires, including working with cultural, religious, and community pressures
The therapist's own script: what we carry, what we miss, and how to move from guardian of the norm to curious collaborator
The day balances theory with experiential learning. Participants will leave with a clinical toolkit: revised assessment questions, somatic tracking skills, a framework for deconstructing relational contracts, and a renewed stance of curiosity over prescription.
Format: Interactive lecture, small-group exercises, embodied practice, case consultation, reflective writing
What you will leave with: Clinical toolkit, revised assessment questions, somatic tracking skills, TA-informed framework for deconstructing relational contracts, reading list, and a personalised commitment to practice change
This training is suitable for psychotherapists, counsellors, and clinicians working with individuals and couples. No prior knowledge of non-monogamy or Transactional Analysis is required. An openness to examining one's own relational templates is essential.
**venue to be confirmed, location is Perth City Centre.
About our host - Lohani Noor
Lohani Noor began her professional journey in Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy, completing a four-year diploma, before earning an MSc in Psychosexual Therapies. She is accredited with COSRT and registered with UKCP and currently serves as a trustee on the board of both COSRT and the International Journal of Sexual and Relationship Therapy.
Based in Manchester, UK, Lohani is the Director of The Institute for Relational and Sexual Therapies (ThIRST) and maintains a healthy private practice. She also holds a PGDip in Urban Education, a Cert Ed teaching qualification, and QTLS (Qualified Teacher Learning and Skills status), among many other credentials.
Lohani is the author of the Audible classic 12 Steps to Sexual Connection and Psychosexual Therapies: 100 Key Concepts and Techniques (Routledge).